Dear Reader,

In early 2023, I was planning to write Crow’s story.  At the time, it was going in a completely different direction than the one I’ve found for him almost three years later.  Let me explain why.  I was going to base Crow’s story on a friend of mine, showing the world our unique relationship and the fun times we had while going through some major life events.  I knew it would be a great story because we had lived it together.

But then I got a call that changed everything.  One of my oldest friends called while I was out and about with my friend Victoria.  I knew something was wrong the second I answered.  She cried as she told me our friend had died.  She was still processing the news herself but knew how upset I’d be if I heard this news from anyone else.  I felt my heart stutter and then start to race as memories of him flooded my mind.  

I kept Victoria up late that night, sitting in her car and crying into my Sonic drink, as I told her all about my old friend.  I reminisced about how we met, our favorite things to do together, how different we were, and why we got along so well.  Victoria listened to it all with tears and smiles, like a good friend does.  When I finally got home, I knew that if I went to bed, all I would do was lay there and cry, so I came out to my office to lose myself in a book - whether that meant reading one or writing one - but as soon as I opened this document, I wrote the following letter.  

Dear Carl, 

We lost you last week.  The world lost you.  All the people who loved your smile lost you.  I feel sorry for anyone who never got to see it and who can never experience it now.  When I found out you were gone, my heart broke into a million pieces.  I’ve told the love stories of so many people already, but I’ve never written about the way you and I loved each other, so I’m going to give everyone who didn’t have the pleasure of knowing you a little glimpse of that in this book.  

After I found out you were gone, I sat in the car with Victoria and told her all about you since she’s one of the people who’ll never have a chance to know all that was you - your funny charm, your quick wit, your “butt crack chin dimple,” your bright smile, how you couldn’t be deterred once you’d made your mind up about something, and how protective you were of me - your “almost but not quite - never gonna happen because we have the same taste in men” girlfriend.   

I told her about how we met in the hallway at work so many years ago and the first thing you ever said to me - which you repeated over and over through the years.  And my husband wholeheartedly agrees with your opinion of my assets, by the way.  He tells me all the time how much he appreciates them, just like you did, but in an entirely different way.

Victoria laughed and cried right along with me as I walked down memory lane, remembering my friend who was such an important part of one of the scariest times in my life.  I told her how you and I laughed together over the little things and cried together over the big things, worried with each other over the scary things, and about the many times we sat in our booth at our favorite Asian restaurant and talked about the men in our lives and our hopes and dreams for the future.  I even told her about the night you decided that we were going to get married and all the drama that caused.  

I will go down in history as the only woman you ever proposed to, and that will forever make me smile.  Our future would have been so different if we’d followed that path, but I’m glad we didn’t settle down together.  If we had gotten married, we might never have met the men who gave us butterflies and filled our hearts and lives with love and laughter.  

The boy you were willing to set aside your life for is an adult now, and he’s a better person for having known you, just like I am.

I’ll miss you, my friend, and so will the world.  

All my love.  Every little bit of it.  

I’ll always be your blue-eyed girl.

C

Crow’s story was originally going to be based on my relationship with a man who stood by my side while I was pregnant with another man’s child.  He’d planned to spend the rest of his life being a father figure to the baby I was terrified to bring into this world.  You saw a glimpse of that in Hawk and Brighten’s book, and I’d always thought I would continue it here.  

However, left turns happen, plans change, and good people are taken away from us all too soon.  I couldn’t bring myself to write about what Carl and I shared because every time I thought about Crow’s story, it made me cry.  Instead, I used Chris Janson’s song, “Drunk Girl,” as inspiration.  The lyrics in the song say, “That’s how she knows the difference between a boy and a man.  Take a drunk girl home.”  Carl showed me that difference all the time and even took my drunk ass home more than once, so that song serves as a tribute to his memory.  

The love I feel for my friend is alive and well, and there are still plenty of things about him that will inevitably end up in a book or two.  Even though Crow’s story had to change, I still think you’ll get a glimpse of my old friend in it.

Even though I’m crying right now, they’re happy tears because the memories that letter brought back are so special.  There’s a group of friends in my books who say almost the same thing to express their love that Carl and I did.  When he read their words, he called me to say he was going to sue for using his likeness without permission.  I told him he couldn’t sue me, but he could spank me, and then he could at least tell everyone he’d had his hands on the greatest ass he’d ever seen.  We had a good laugh about it, and when we finished our call, he ended it with, “All my love, sister.  Every little bit of it.”  

So, that’s how I’ll end this letter to you.  Thanks for sticking by me through the stories I write and loving the characters I create as much as I do.  

All my love to you and yours.  Every little bit of it.

Happy reading, 

Cee